Balls To the Wall
by TACKTeam
Summary: (RE-UPLOAD, because Taka-bout a real Kat-tastrophe. It was a Cry-me we didn't upload our OG story on this shared account... hope Aly-all don't mind.) This what happens when 4 writers decide to write a joke fic. About dick jokes.


The Loud siblings were all seated in Lisa and Lily's room, which had been modified to look like a classroom; small desks with chairs were lined up in two neat rows of four (with two in the back) in front of a whiteboard. On the whiteboard was written "Saturday Homeschool", underlined and all. Most of the kids there were not very happy to be there, tired from having to wake up early and annoyed at essentially having another school day.

Lynn was the first to express her frustration. She had one elbow on the desk, her head was resting on her hand. "This is so dumb. Why do we have to do this?"

"Because," Lisa said, coming from behind. "This is the best way to assure you won't fail your classes, resulting in summer school," Lisa said. "Now please, both arms out of the desk, that way you won't fall asleep," she added

Lynn rolled her eyes, clearly not having it. "Yeah, no thanks. When's recess?

I want to use my new skateboard and grind down the bannister."

"When you have understood your Math homework," Lisa said. "Now, everyone, notebook and pencil in hands," Lisa said

Lynn threw her hands up and let out a huff. "But I can't! Math is basically my kryptonite." Regardless, she obliged and did what she was told, along with everyone else.

"Alright, since most of you seem to be lacking knowledge over math, let's start from there," Lisa said, as she grabbed a marker, and stood on a bench to reach the top of the board, so she could begin writing,

"This is literally so dumb. I'm going to miss my morning phone call with Bobby for this!" Lori complained.

"And I wanted to go mud wallowing today! I didn't even get a chance to tell my friends I had to cancel, what am I gonna tell them after this?!" Lana demanded.

"This is not compulsory, but you might have to spend part of our holidays in school if you don't want to stay. Plus, I believe our parents won't be very happy with that," Lisa said.

"She's got a point. We can't miss any good _times_ together! All that really _adds_ up!" Luan said, as she cackles.

"Oh c'mon dude, it's only 8:30 in the morning! Way too early for your puns." Luna groaned.

"Can you please make silence?" Lincoln asked. "I get it, none of us wanted to be here, but the earlier we begin, the earlier we are done with it," he said.

"Hopefully we won't end up _divided_ over the matter! That would be a huge _negative_!" Luan couldn't help herself. "My puns are on _pointer!"_ She says, getting up and taking Lisa's pointer.

Everyone else let out a collective groan along with Luna.

"Well, if you're done with the interruptions," Lisa said, going back to the whiteboard, only to realise something was missing. "Alright, who took my marker?" Lisa asked. Nobody answered. Lynn held said marker behind her back, quietly snickering but unfortunately, it was still audible throughout the room.

"You are concerned that I'm not obliged to give this class, are you?" Lisa asked, with an angry tone.

Lynn sighed in defeat and handed over the marker. _"Fine."_

Lola let out a groan from the back of the class. "Can we just get on with this?"

"See?! Even _she_ wants to get this over with, so can we just start?" Luna asked.

"I agree. I have literally so many better things to be doing…" Lori grumbled, as she was prepared to take notes.

"Delightful." Lisa said.

"Finally!" Lola huffed, opening up her notebook with a pen in hand.

"Well, to begin, it's obvious to everyone here that you don't have the same topics in math, so," Lisa said, and she grabbed a small pile of papers from her desk. "I've made a list of problems for each and every one of you to solve, and you shall call me whenever any doubts appear," Lisa said, giving each one a specific list. "Algebra, Calculus, Geometry, everything is included, in their proper levels of difficulty," she said, as she finished delivering their work. "You shall start now,"

With that, everyone got to work. Some of them went through it quickly, while others were stuck on the very first problem.

Leni tried to do it. Sadly, she was just kind of staring at her paper blankly, before she raises her hand. "Lisa, I don't get!" She complained.

"Alright, I'm coming," Lisa said, approaching Leni's desk. "So, which one of these is giving you trouble?"

"All of them. What even is this? Like, why are we adding letters with our numbers? That doesn't make much sense…"

"This letter, Leni, it's just like any other number, but we don't know which one it is, so we have to find it," Lisa said

Lynn got up as Lisa was preoccupied and drew a penis on the whiteboard, then went and quickly sat down.

Lori quickly glanced up the board, and cringed. "That is literally so immature!"

Lola lifted her head back up to glance at the board, and her face twisted into utter disgust. "Who the heck drew _that_?!" She shrieked, pointing at the drawing of the male genitalia on the whiteboard.

Lana turned her attention to the board with a look of confusion. "Uhh… what _is_ that, a weird-looking hot dog?"

"In a way, yeah." Lynn responded with a snicker.

"Close enough…" Lucy responded quietly to Lana.

"Oh, okay! Wait, where do I look for it first?" Leni then says, as she looks up at the whiteboard. "Is that it?" She asked, pointing to the drawing on the whiteboard. "That's a funny looking number..

Lincoln finally looked up, taking notice of what was going on. He facepalmed and went back to his paper.

The corners of Luan's mouth twisted upward as she tried to keep herself from laughing.

Lisa took a look at the whiteboard. "Alright, Lynn, Luan," Lisa said, which one of you did that?" Lisa asked.

Luan lifted her head up from her paper. She looks at the board, and starts to laughing. "That's a real _weiner_ up there! I _willy_ hope you don't think it was me! That'd be a real _dick_ move!" She laughs, but then calmed down and became serious. "But um, seriously, it wasn't me."

Lola, still disturbed, scowled at Luan. "You're not helping, Luan!"

"What, what makes you think _I_ did it?!" Lynn gasped and dramatically pointed at herself.

"Lucy, Lola and Lana don't know what," Lisa pointed towards the whiteboard. " _That_ is? Leni was with me, Lincoln and Lori are focused on their work, and Luna is not even awake," Lisa said, pointing towards a desk in the end of the room.

It was true. Luna hadn't even been in bed yet two hours ago, and it had taken its toll on her. She was fast asleep snoring.

"Lisa," Lola glanced at her. "I live under a roof with you and Luan, I know what," She pointed at the whiteboard. " _that_ is." She hissed.

Lucy mumbled something under her breath, slumping on her seat as a pink blush appeared on her pale cheeks.

"But I don't know what that is. What is it? Is that the number 1? That's not how you draw a one..." Leni says, as she tilted her head.

Lana suddenly had a bit of an understanding now but not much. "Oh _yeaaaa_ , yeah I know what that is now! It's a-"

Lola clamped her hand on her twin's mouth. _"You're not supposed to say it!"_ she snarled.

"Okay okay, geez!" Lana yelped, her voice muffled.

"Can we go back to math now?" Lincoln said, kind of embarrassed.

"Yeah, because I don't have time for anyone's immature antics." Lori complained loudly, as she was still trying to finish, so she can have her morning phone call with Bobby.

"Yes, please- _EW!"_ Lola retrieved her hand from Lana's mouth as her twin had decided to lick it.

"Heh, works every time." Lana said. "Eww, glitter!" She then proceeded to spit out tiny flakes of pink glitter.

"You're disgusting, Lana!" Lola grimaced as she watched Lana spit out the glitter from her tongue.

"I know."

" _And I thought Darwin's kids had issues,"_ Lisa though. "Okay, enough with this, everyone, back to your work. Leni, please come here, I'll explain the exercises on the whiteboard," Lisa said.

Leni nods, as she then comes forward, with her paper. Soon, she sits down next to Lisa and looks at her.

Lynn gave a smug grin, knowing full well what she had gotten away with.

Lori looked over at Lynn and sees that smug grin. "It was you, wasn't it?" She then asked, squinting at her with suspicion. "Lisa, I think we have our culprit!" She called out as she pointed to Lynn.

"What?! No I didn't! I think it was actually _Lori,_ being so quick to point the finger at me and all!" Lynn cried out while also shooting her a glare.

"I was literally doing my work! How could it possibly be me?! Lynn's lying to cover herself!"

"Well, she might be covering herself, but that big ol' chap over there sure isn't!" Luan punned, earning yet another groan.

"Right now, I have more important things to do," Lisa said, drawing on the board, "It doesn't matter if Lori found out it was you, Lynn," Lisa added.

Lynn quietly did the "blah blah blah" gesture with her hand under her desk and went back to working on her algebra.

After a few seconds, Lisa's voice got a bit louder, and everyone could hear her. "And in the end, we found out that D equals 8," Lisa said, and wrote the answer on the board as "8=D."

Not even two seconds later, Lynn and Luan burst out in laughter.

"What's so funny?!" Lisa demanded.

"I guess if 8=D, then P+E+N=15!" Luan then says, as she falls out of her chair, crying because she's laughing so hard.

Lynn promptly joined her, cackling like a drunken hyena and landing on her back along with the chair. Everyone else in the room sans Lori, Leni, Lincoln and Lola laughed as well, but some more quiet than others. Even Luna woke up from the commotion and joined in the guffawing.

"Oh nothing, it's just that you were getting so _salty_ about it before when you just drew a dick yourself!" the jock finally got out between breaths.

Lori rolled her eyes. "Could you two be quiet? Some of us are actually trying to do the work here so we can enjoy our Saturday."

"I just hope we don't do the same thing with biology." Lincoln whispered to Lori

"You know it's going to be…" Lori whispered back.

"Is high school going to be like this?" Lola muttered.

"I sure hope so!" Lana replied, and continued giggling.

"I'd rather be homeschooled than be surrounded by a bunch of immature idiots."

"Not me, I hope everyone there is just as funny as this class had gotten."

"Lola, you are going to be surrounded by a bunch of immature idiots nonetheless." Lincoln said.

"SILENCE!" Lisa barked, getting everyone's attention and shutting them up. " _Thank_ you. Anyway, since we don't seem to be getting anywhere with math…" she said in a completely deadpan tone. "Perhaps we should move on to Global History instead."

Lisa, this time, projected a map in the white board. Lisa took her pointer and pointed toward one of the places on it.

"Now this, over here, is Thailand's capital. Can anyone tell me its name?" she asked.

Luan was more than happy to answer. "Bangkok!" Pre _dic_ tibly, this resulted in more laughter. Typical. Lisa couldn't say that she was really all that surprised anymore.

Leni smiles. "OMGosh, like, I hope I can go to Bangkok some day!"

The room was howling in laughter, sans the previously mentioned Louds who were actually trying to learn. Which… really wasn't a lot of them.

"Yes, Luan, that is correct." Lisa sighed. Better give credit where it's due, right?

" _I swear if anyone says one more joke, I will leave this room."_ Lola thought while rubbing her temples.

"What's wrong, Lola? Is this class too… long and hard for you?" Lucy daringly asked. Lynn gave her a high five.

Lola slammed her hands on the desk as she stood up, then threw them up in the air. She proceeded to storm out of the room, her feet stomping the ground.

Lisa took notice and immediately called her out. "Lola, where do you think you're going? Get back in there this instant."

"I am _not_ staying in a room with those dirty peasants!"

Leni looked puzzled as she watches Lola angrily storm out of the room. "I don't get it. Why was Lola so angry?"

"Well, Lola, if you don't get back in here, you are at a very high risk of being forced to attend summer school. In which, you will be most likely surrounded by even more 'dirty peasants' as you call them."

Lola stopped mid-way down the stairs, she growled angrily and headed back to the 'classroom', sitting at her chair with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

"Okay, I will make this plain and simple. You don't want to be here, don't be here. And if ANY of you interrupt me for something irrelevant, you will suffer consequences," Lisa said, angrily.

Work continued after that, as they seemed to have gotten it. Lisa was immensely relieved. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to teach them biology during this session anymore, knowing full well what would result from it.

"Okay, class, now that we've managed to get through World History and English without any other interruptions, I feel that a break is in order. I will be at your service if you have any questions, but you can spend the time as you wish." Lisa said and walked out of the room. "If you require my assistance, I will be in the living room having a chat with some of my colleagues."

Lori sighed in relief as she pulled out her phone. She couldn't stand being without her phone for much longer. She already missed some texts from her beloved Bobby Boo Boo Bear. She was already texting him back.

"I need a potty break." Lola stood up. "And I swear if any of you make a joke." She warned as she walked out and headed towards the bathroom.

Lana, Lynn and Luan all turned to each other and smirked. They knew _exactly_ how they were going to spend this break.

Lucy was drawing something and, just to get a rise out of him, placed it onto Lincoln's desk.

Lincoln had his head slammed his head on the desk, his hands over his ears. He noticed the drawing Lucy placed on his desk, when he rose his head to see what it was.

 _A dick. Of course._

Lincoln got up and turned towards the goth behind him. "Really Lucy?! Really?!" Lincoln slammed his head on the desk again, letting a scream which was muffled out while Lucy sat in her chair with a creepy grin. Who knew she would be enjoying this.

Luna was still sleeping, and nobody bothered waking her up. Lana had a marker in her hand, and had a smile on her face. At this point, I think we all know what the result was.

Luan got up from her desk, and proceeded to walk over to the whiteboard. She picked up the marker. "I gotta say Lynn and Lana, this is a pretty _ballsy_ thing we're doing!" She said, as she was drawing one dick, specifically, the balls, as she made such a pun.

"Yeah, I agree! I can only imagine how Lisa's gonna react to this." the jock replied, as she was in the middle of drawing a rather big one, all detailed and veiny. Oh, and a smiley face on the head too, for good measure.

"I think she's gonna have a real _boner_ to pick with us all!" She chuckled, as she drew yet another one. "Get it?!"

Leni was more confused than ever, still having no idea what on Earth was going on. "Uhh, what's so funny? What are you all drawing, some weird hot dogs?"

"Because," Lincoln began, then he began whispering to Leni. "Honestly, it's better if you don't know," he said

"They just really like hot dogs, Leni." Lucy said, the grin still on her face. "Especially the _big_ ones."

"Oh, I like, know a place with some huge hot dogs near the mall," Leni said. "I'll show you all one day. I love their special one, it's like, twice the size, and with a white cream, and two meatballs, that is simply delicious," Leni said

Almost everyone in the room began laughing. Perhaps waking up early for this class wasn't as bad as they thought.

Lori rolled her eyes. "You're all literally disgusting. Except for you Leni, you're okay. And Lincoln." She said, as she shook her head.

"Exactly!" Lana called over to her. "If it's gross, you know Lynn and I are gonna be all over that."

"Darn right!" Lynn said, holding up her fist for a fistbump with Lana. Lana was more than happy to give her one, doing so with a wide grin.

"Siblings, are any of you in need of my assistance?" Lisa's voice rang out while light footsteps were heard coming up the stairs.

By then, Lana, Lynn and Luan had raced back to their seats, pretending to just fidget with their hands or be asleep.

"Uh, n-no, we're fine! Thanks, though!" Lynn called out.

"Yeah, don't worry about us!" Lana and Luan added in.

Lisa looked at them, a serious stare.

"Err, Lisa, w-what's wrong? Y-you're looking a little hot under your collar…" Lana sheepishly asked, shrinking into her seat a bit.

"Take a wild guess." Lisa simply said. She sounded perfectly calm, but from the look of her face, it was obvious that she was brewing with pure, unadulterated fury. _Tranquil_ fury, if you will.

"Lincoln, Leni, Lola, and Lori, would you mind excuse me for a second," Lisa asked.

"Wait, what happened?" Lola asked as she entered the room, when she saw the drawings on the whiteboard. "Eww!" She cringed.

"That's it! I'm telling mom and dad when they get home!" She stomped her way towards her and her twin's room, slamming the door shut.

Lana wanted to laugh at her twin's display of disgust, but didn't dare to do so. Not when Lisa was in the room.

" _Yeah sure, go tell them that you know what dicks are and what they look like."_ Lynn thought and rolled her eyes.

"That won't be necessary, Lola." Lisa said loudly, so she could hear from her bedroom. "Also, can someone go and wake up Luna?" Lisa asked.

"I got it!" Leni volunteered, as she walks over to Luna. "Hey Luna, wake up. Lisa is going to yell at you." She says to her, attempting to shake her awake.

Luna slowly woke up. "Hrmm, wha…?" she tiredly asked. "Oh, hey Lis. Back so soon?" She had a dick doodled on her forehead from before.

Leni grinned. "Look! Someone drew a weird hot dog on her forehead!"

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Luna asked, and seeing the scenario that appeared to come from a porn movie. Not that she saw a lot of them in her life.

"I need to speak to some of you. You would be with them." Lisa faced Lana, Lucy, Lynn and Luan. "But since you've done nothing to disturb class, I'll just ask for you to wait outside. And perhaps you should take a look at the mirror." Lisa said, as the selected ones were pushed out of the room. "Now, if you excuse me, I'll be back in no time." Lisa said.

They weren't sure what exactly awaited them, but they knew that whatever it was would _not_ be good. They sweated profusely, praying that a miracle would come to them and they would get off scot-free… or at least that Lisa would have mercy.

She led them to where she had kept several hidden cameras and took out a laptop. Oh no.

"I have surveillance cameras stashed around here and around the hou- err, I mean _just here._ And not only do I know what you all did, but I have proof too." She pressed a key on the laptop and attempted to relay the footage.

...only for static to take up the entire screen. Lisa went to check on the cameras and noticed that they all appeared to be damaged.

" _Dang explosions…"_ she thought and came back down. "Fine. As I do not have any proof to show to our parental units at the moment, you are off the proverbial hook. _For now."_ Lisa growled in utter contempt. The culprits meanwhile cheered and Lynn gave a wide grin to Lana, Lucy and Luan.

"What did you do?" Lana whispered.

"You'll see in a sec." the jock whispered back.

"Do not think you have eluded me completely! For I will get my vengeance, once the time comes… around. You will _all_ pay!" Lisa threatened. She turned and walked away, causing the culprits to giggle to themselves. Lisa paid no heed to this, assuming that they were just being cocky and not taking her seriously. Well, they sure will soon.

Little did she know, however, that the real reason they were giggling… was because of a piece of paper that had been taped onto her back. And on the paper was a drawing of a dick.

 _ **THE END  
**_

* * *

 _ **(A/N):  
**_

Wolfy: Okay so there were other authors' notes here before but they went bye-bye for some reason.

Wolfy: Buuuut, I would still like to say that we are all glad that you're reading this and hope you liked it!

Taka: I literally don't know what to say here. So...

Cry: Can you guys make it quick? I gotta upload this.

Taka: Yeah, like you're not laughing as we type this.

Wolfy: Yep, so uh where to next? Bangkok?

Taka: Oh, I know, after saying they should like the story, let's make a tease of the sequel that will come up soon.

Wolfy: Yea, how's about it, wink wink?

Cry: You guys, the clock is ticking.

Wolfy: Yep, and I'm sure they're just bouncing outta their seats for another few thousand words' worth of dick jokes. I know I sure am.

Cry: Ya'll are crazy.

Taka: That's the whole reason we are together doing this

Wolfy: Eeyup


End file.
